:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
