Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
