carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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