she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
