Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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