I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
