WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
