I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
