Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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