quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
