btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize