What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
