I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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