I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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