shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
too bad you live with your parents still
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
