This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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