Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
