dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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