I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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