do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
