I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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