Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
