Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like

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(302): I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like http://tfl.nu/tmn6

Replies (25) Good night (660) Bad night (2076)
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(619): View more from California

If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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(619): If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library. http://tfl.nu/gs64

Replies (59) Good night (985) Bad night (3679)
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(512): View more from Texas

Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?

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(512): Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over? http://tfl.nu/e898

Replies (11) Good night (3444) Bad night (2380)
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(772): View more from Florida

remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.

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(772): remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night. http://tfl.nu/s4kw

Replies (11) Good night (3447) Bad night (1178)
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(407): View more from Florida

Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.

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(407): Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit. http://tfl.nu/dysf

Replies (9) Good night (747) Bad night (3373)
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(925): View more from California

you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race

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(925): you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race http://tfl.nu/3da3

Replies (8) Good night (4150) Bad night (826)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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(616): Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on http://tfl.nu/xayw

Replies (10) Good night (1272) Bad night (426)
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(516): View more from New York

People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.

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(516): People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall. http://tfl.nu/80cl

Replies (7) Good night (1917) Bad night (450)
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(817): View more from Texas

one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."

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(817): one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog." http://tfl.nu/q8wu

Replies (8) Good night (351) Bad night (895)
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(315): View more from New York

Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack

(1-315): View more from New York

This is why I love you...

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(315): Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack (1-315): This is why I love you... http://tfl.nu/jq03

Replies (5) Good night (795) Bad night (179)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He stood me up.

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.

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(724): He stood me up. (724): I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone. http://tfl.nu/xslj

Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (243)
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(410): View more from Maryland

She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.

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(410): She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue. http://tfl.nu/xn2n

Replies (4) Good night (1045) Bad night (202)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science

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(978): Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science http://tfl.nu/dvcx

Replies (3) Good night (536) Bad night (281)
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(205): View more from Alabama

That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.

(1-205): View more from Alabama

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING

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(205): That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor. (1-205): WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING http://tfl.nu/uvee

Replies (3) Good night (406) Bad night (170)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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(306): he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS http://tfl.nu/n1yt

Replies (5) Good night (350) Bad night (506)

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