Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before

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  (702): The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before http://tfl.nu/ogqr
  Replies (5) Good night (2823) Bad night (642)
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  (818): View more from California

  I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape

  (310): View more from California

  wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?

  (818): View more from California

  why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES

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  (818): I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape (310): wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape? (818): why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES http://tfl.nu/d72u
  Replies (94) Good night (1394) Bad night (12471)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.

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  (314): There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign. http://tfl.nu/jmkr
  Replies (36) Good night (922) Bad night (5971)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,

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  (678): Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead, http://tfl.nu/tjky
  Replies (11) Good night (4626) Bad night (1282)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

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  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (7729) Bad night (1376)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to

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  (443): I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to http://tfl.nu/dg5k
  Replies (2) Good night (1280) Bad night (3680)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.

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  (732): I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that. http://tfl.nu/uw0f
  Replies (1) Good night (1464) Bad night (613)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.

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  (908): Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea. http://tfl.nu/8iqm
  Replies (2) Good night (752) Bad night (1054)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it

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  (240): A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it http://tfl.nu/zmnm
  Replies (3) Good night (1339) Bad night (648)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.

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  (217): I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times. http://tfl.nu/aihm
  Replies (0) Good night (801) Bad night (555)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism

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  (616): There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism http://tfl.nu/r96o
  Replies (2) Good night (552) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie

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  (508): Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie http://tfl.nu/abbt
  Replies (5) Good night (1106) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.

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  (727): I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry. http://tfl.nu/459t
  Replies (0) Good night (547) Bad night (283)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  That's a beautiful sentiment.

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  (210): You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here. (662): That's a beautiful sentiment. http://tfl.nu/40xu
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (151)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.

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  (973): Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive. http://tfl.nu/xxuz
  Replies (0) Good night (8) Bad night (10)

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