you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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