Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

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(815): I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo http://tfl.nu/iz8u

Replies (7) Good night (620) Bad night (3339)
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(240): View more from Maryland

I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

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(240): I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way. http://tfl.nu/5yxg

Replies (26) Good night (4174) Bad night (1572)
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(323): View more from California

may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.

(818): View more from California

First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.

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(323): may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in. (818): First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats. http://tfl.nu/s5xw

Replies (41) Good night (7764) Bad night (702)
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(925): View more from California

So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

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(925): So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid. http://tfl.nu/x26d

Replies (19) Good night (2257) Bad night (3339)
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(330): View more from Ohio

So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...

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(330): So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers... http://tfl.nu/y9ah

Replies (8) Good night (2365) Bad night (1127)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.

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(630): Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus. http://tfl.nu/ls1i

Replies (4) Good night (1908) Bad night (1089)
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(248): View more from Michigan

im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...

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(248): im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend... http://tfl.nu/rj6y

Replies (4) Good night (2412) Bad night (1102)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.

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(+61): I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog. http://tfl.nu/k4kj

Replies (5) Good night (1617) Bad night (997)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69

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(610): But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69 http://tfl.nu/zybq

Replies (11) Good night (1279) Bad night (612)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.

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(336): Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box. (336): Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark. http://tfl.nu/oail

Replies (9) Good night (1460) Bad night (584)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to

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(775): Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to http://tfl.nu/b8f3

Replies (7) Good night (978) Bad night (433)
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(248): View more from Michigan

So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."

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(248): So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits." http://tfl.nu/x9en

Replies (6) Good night (2474) Bad night (651)
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(330): View more from Ohio

The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.

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(330): The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/09ej

Replies (2) Good night (803) Bad night (302)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.

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(520): Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell. http://tfl.nu/vby3

Replies (5) Good night (370) Bad night (590)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.

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(757): Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant. http://tfl.nu/nvyb

Replies (8) Good night (494) Bad night (954)

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