I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
