Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.