Define "chronic" masturbator.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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