we're blogging at a bar
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
