names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.