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• (619): View more from California

  If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (831): View more from California

  I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Post that event on your timeline

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I don't even want to know.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.

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