I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
