well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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