I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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