what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
