I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
that's an acceptable place to lick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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