Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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