They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
