apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
