i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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