I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he thought i was a dude.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
