i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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