I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
