Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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