These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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