we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
