So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
