i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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