Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have so many feelings about this burrito
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
