He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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