I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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