you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
