Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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