He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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