So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize