the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
