i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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