i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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