can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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