My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Randomize
