Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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