I cut my penus on the lid.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
