he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
