Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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