I bet he comes in French.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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