Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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