So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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