I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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