at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
