these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
