they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
