You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need a beard to bite.