Where is the hickey?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
