do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear