Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year