I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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