May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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