Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...