nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
