That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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