oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
