i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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