We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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